So I made the mistake of reading a newspaper tonight. Not even the whole thing, just the front section. The important stuff. And now that I'm pissed off, I figured I'd write about a few of the things I read in order to calm down some, or at least order it in my head in some way so I don't have a stroke or something. These are all from today's (September 27, 2012) Globe & Mail (one of Canada's national newspapers).
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Post-Ironic Consortium
I Worry Because I Worry I Have No Sense of Irony
I have no real capacity for irony anymore. I've tried to have one, but I figure because I'm 30 I can't be bothered to pretend to like things I don't actually like any more. Now, when I like things, I actually like them. When I dislike things, it's usually because I dislike them. Right off the bat I'm going to say that I'm not in favour of Justin Bieber. I was worried for a fraction of a second that I mixed up the E and the I in his name, but then I realized I don't care at all. See? It's amazing! So freeing. Let's see what else I can do with a dose of non-irony:
I have no real capacity for irony anymore. I've tried to have one, but I figure because I'm 30 I can't be bothered to pretend to like things I don't actually like any more. Now, when I like things, I actually like them. When I dislike things, it's usually because I dislike them. Right off the bat I'm going to say that I'm not in favour of Justin Bieber. I was worried for a fraction of a second that I mixed up the E and the I in his name, but then I realized I don't care at all. See? It's amazing! So freeing. Let's see what else I can do with a dose of non-irony:
Monday, April 2, 2012
Crime Sucks Monkeynuts
Canada has some weird laws. A shopkeeper can refuse to sell you any item over 50 cents if you are only willing to pay in pennies. In many places, it is illegal to water your lawn while it's raining. In Calgary, it's illegal to sell non-prescription contact lenses at costume shops. There's one law in particular that bugs me, but it comes from a good place.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Funny? (Starbucks)
[Originally posted on January 28, 2008]
So...does anyone like Starbucks? Personally, I think it's a bunch of shit. Terrible overcooked crap that costs way too much for a sub-par taste experience.
Here's the first problem: it's over-roasted. Sure, that gives Starbucks coffee its nasty, bitter taste, but it also has another more insidious effect...that's right: dark-roasting coffee lowers its caffeine content. Now that's all well and good for the crappa-rappa-frappa-alpaccino-swilling dilettantes who view coffee as a type of recreational activity instead of how I view it which is comparable to, say, heroin. I feel that if someone in front of me in line hasn't figured out what they want in the half-hour it took for them to get to the register, I should, legally, be allowed to kill them.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
On Comedy - Surprise! (Post 3/3)
[Originally posted on June 28, 2011]
If you're looking for note 1, it's here (On Comedy - Upset (Post 1/3)). It's on Upset. If you're looking for note 2, it's here (On Comedy - Reversal (Post 2/3)) It's on Reversal. If you're looking for the note on Surprise, you have either come to the right place or completely failed. But then, you always knew it would come to this.
If you're looking for note 1, it's here (On Comedy - Upset (Post 1/3)). It's on Upset. If you're looking for note 2, it's here (On Comedy - Reversal (Post 2/3)) It's on Reversal. If you're looking for the note on Surprise, you have either come to the right place or completely failed. But then, you always knew it would come to this.
On Comedy - Reversal (Post 2/3)
[Originally posted on June 28, 2011]
This is part of an ongoing series of notes on Comedy, which since the last one was posted about 10 months ago, should be finished some time in 2015. I'm going to try to step up how often I post, but to be honest I don't actually think anyone reads these things, so whatever. The first one, On Comedy - Upset (Post 1/3) can be found here: http://saidinjest.blogspot.com/2012/01/on-comedy-upset-post-13.html)
This is part of an ongoing series of notes on Comedy, which since the last one was posted about 10 months ago, should be finished some time in 2015. I'm going to try to step up how often I post, but to be honest I don't actually think anyone reads these things, so whatever. The first one, On Comedy - Upset (Post 1/3) can be found here: http://saidinjest.blogspot.com/2012/01/on-comedy-upset-post-13.html)
On Comedy - Upset (Post 1/3)
[Originally posted on August 11, 2010]
With this Thursday's Open Mic Night at Yuk Yuk's rapidly approaching, I've been thinking more and more about what makes something funny. What I've noticed with a lot of the comedians who've been featured there is that they're getting better and better at recognizing when a joke is falling flat and they should move on. You see it with professional comics all the time: Mitch Hedburg said, "You're going to love that joke later, because I'm going to take all those words out and put in new ones." He got that it was falling flat and took a funny way out. Brian Posehn makes references to his own nerdiness, covering awkwardness with more awkwardness, in a self-referential pile of awkward that seems to make him even more endearing to audiences. Dylan Moran seems to have hundreds of amazing throwaway lines ready, so he can cut to them when he needs to. Those are all decent ways of handling every comic's worst nightmare: a dead joke.
With this Thursday's Open Mic Night at Yuk Yuk's rapidly approaching, I've been thinking more and more about what makes something funny. What I've noticed with a lot of the comedians who've been featured there is that they're getting better and better at recognizing when a joke is falling flat and they should move on. You see it with professional comics all the time: Mitch Hedburg said, "You're going to love that joke later, because I'm going to take all those words out and put in new ones." He got that it was falling flat and took a funny way out. Brian Posehn makes references to his own nerdiness, covering awkwardness with more awkwardness, in a self-referential pile of awkward that seems to make him even more endearing to audiences. Dylan Moran seems to have hundreds of amazing throwaway lines ready, so he can cut to them when he needs to. Those are all decent ways of handling every comic's worst nightmare: a dead joke.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Absolutely Ridiculous
I've been thinking a lot recently about absolutes. "I'm done with this." "I love this." "You're intolerable." "I want to put my penis in this." ...basically any phrase that includes some sort of sweeping generalization as it relates to me.
What brought this up is that I was thinking about New Year's resolutions. They are, as a whole, utterly insane and stupid. Yes, I know that that's one of those "absolute" statements. But the numbers back me up on this. See, around 92% of people's New Year's resolutions fail (80% in the first 20 days of the year), though it's not through lack of trying. No one set out to lose weight, or quit smoking, or stop beating their children, with the thought, "it's okay if I fail, because I'm still okay." When they start out on their goals, it's with the best of intentions. They will work out for a while. They will not smoke for a while. They will stop being such a bottom-feeding, mouth-breathing cunt of a human being. For a while.
What brought this up is that I was thinking about New Year's resolutions. They are, as a whole, utterly insane and stupid. Yes, I know that that's one of those "absolute" statements. But the numbers back me up on this. See, around 92% of people's New Year's resolutions fail (80% in the first 20 days of the year), though it's not through lack of trying. No one set out to lose weight, or quit smoking, or stop beating their children, with the thought, "it's okay if I fail, because I'm still okay." When they start out on their goals, it's with the best of intentions. They will work out for a while. They will not smoke for a while. They will stop being such a bottom-feeding, mouth-breathing cunt of a human being. For a while.
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