On Why Recording Comedy Albums Is Important

I saw Andy Kindler tonight.

It's 11:15 tonight, on a Sunday, and I just got home from a comedy show. I saw Andy Kindler tonight. I was so psyched, and he killed it.

It was amazing, but good luck looking for a merch table afterwards. Most of the comedians who come through London, Ontario don't have them. Here's why they should:

I started listening to comedy before podcasts existed, so to me, the only comedians who existed were the ones who put out albums: Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Bill Cosby, etc. I live in the 10th largest Canadian city. It's not a priority for visiting American comedians. It's only a priority for visiting Canadian comedians when they're part of the Yuk Yuk's regime, which is awful.

If you didn't know, Yuk Yuk's forces their comedians to sign a contract that says they can only appear at other Yuk Yuk's. It's the worst, most restrictive contract you can imagine for a Canadian comedian trying to become known, and also the only way to get on any type of a national tour for them.

Just For Laughs just finished in Toronto this week. I saw Andy Kindler tonight.

I have seen a ton of Canadian comedians and haven't been able to share their hilarity with my friends except for tiny bits they've done, unless they've made albums.

Here's the thing: It used to be that it took tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of dollars to make an album. Comedians used to carry bulky tape recorders in their pockets to record their sets for practice. But the people--the audience--don't demand DVDs anymore. They never did. They ask for the only thing they ever wanted--jokes. A CD album is the same as seeing a comedian on DVD, as long as it's not physical comedy.

So now we're way past the age of bulky tape recorders. You could have a mic or two in the audience and another on the comedian, and do a decent recording for $50. Hell, they could do a decent recording of themselves with their phone in their pocket while on stage.

See, audiences aren't that interested in the slick, presented version of comedy. Audiences don't give a shit about how you present the comedy. They just want to see their comedy heroes make some jokes and they want to revel in those jokes. That's why comedians shouldn't worry about their "Hour Specials" or what they're wearing for their recorded specials--they should just put out some recordings. Because no matter how many cities they go to, no matter how many fans they have, there are always those of us in small towns who will only ever know them through their recorded work.

They need to record some work. Andy Kindler put out an amazing show tonight, but every year he does a "State of the Industry" talk at JFL. He didn't do any of that tonight. We were treated to vintage Kindler (which is amazing), but he checked how much time he had left no less than 3 separate times in a room full of laughs; he played it like someone just waiting to play out his time as if he was failing on stage in a room full of people who loved him.

The biggest failing of west coast comedians is that they aren't as accessible as east-coast comedians. And the biggest failing of east-coast comedians is that they haven't figured out Louis CK's recording schedule. They have audiences available to them that they can't see. They just need to put out their work.

And that's why it's important that comedians record their shows. Because there's always someone who wants to hear it.

This Fevered Ego Part 1: Politics

It's probably good to note before you read this that when I use the term "ego", I don't mean it in a negative way. I refer to our sense of self, not the over-inflation of that, though both are apt descriptions.

There are two sides to ego. Probably more than that, but I'm only going to focus on 2 right now: sometimes it helps, and sometimes it hurts.

It helps because without it, nothing would ever get done. We are the sum of the knowledge of those around us, and without ego, nothing ever gets passed around. Nothing gets taken in intellectually either, since why would we have a drive to improve ourselves if we didn't recognize that others have value? Isn't that just our egos recognizing the egos of others? We recognize both great and terrible actions in others as impressive, but they do those things for the same reason—ego.

There's a bad side, too. See, egos aren't just for other people, they're for ourselves. Here's a political example that may require you setting aside your own ego for a moment: Do you honestly think that anyone enters politics with the express interest of harming other people? Think about it. I'm not talking about when they reach the highest levels of power; they all start somewhere. Do you think anyone runs for student council thinking, "Fuck those guys!"? Are there many city council members who ran for office under the impression that it would really help them destroy their city in every way they'd ever dreamed of?

Politics are more polarized now than they have been during most of my life (I'm 31, if you're curious). If you ask one side what they think of the other, they'll say they're undermining life as we know it and trying to destroy the fabric of society. They're obstructionist, partisan, and wrong. And they're right—both sides; because of ego. Because the worst thing our ego does is help us identify with a group and justify things. To ourselves. It's the basest result of tribal mentality. Justifying something to yourself is a damn dangerous thing; the scariest words I've ever heard anyone say are, "No question that I'm right". Without doubt there is no room for growth; without growth, there is no possibility of change.

Lesson 1: Justify This (or "The time I made a far-reaching comparison and was ultimately justified")

You know who never doubt themselves? Sociopaths. The rest of us all wonder, even if it's just late at night in the dark, if we're doing the right thing. That's the ego being self-aware enough to think it might be incorrect. One of the best functions of modern egos is that they allow us self-reflection and self-consciousness. Sociopaths, on the other hand, know that they're right. Hitler, Pol Pot, and Sammy Hagar all thought they were doing the right thing, despite the fact that history has shown them wrong.

Self-justification is a dangerous path because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You start by justifying something to yourself, and your ego builds you a convenient little shield to hide behind, automatically. Then someone attacks your position, and your ego retaliates by shoring up its defenses. It becomes a feedback loop: The more you're attacked, the more your ego defends itself. And one of your ego's best defenses is justification, because you're always willing to believe that you did the right thing. (That's your ego at work again, by the way.)

At first, you become surer that your position is the best one. Then you become certain that your position is the best one. Then you become certain that anyone who doesn't hold your position is incorrigibly wrong. Then you start to see them as an enemy. Just for disagreeing with you.

I haven't seen a better example of this that still relates to this post's topic (politics? I think? That was a while ago) than Rob Ford. I'm going to put this as bluntly as I possibly can, because I want to get all my biases out in a single go: I think Rob Ford, the mayor of Toronto, is a complete moron. He's also pretty big-C conservative, whereas I think I'm socially very liberal and a small-c fiscal conservative. (I believe absolutely that we need well-funded social programs, but I have seen so many abuses of them that I think they need to be policed WAY better and that there are some phenomenally stupid things the government funds that it shouldn't.) He is, however, a great example, so I'm going to swallow back the revulsion I feel at giving him more press, and comfort myself in the knowledge that no one ever actually reads anything I write.

So I've admitted my biases. I haven't admitted why I have them, but I will now. I think he's a blowhard—he's full of bluster but ultimately empty of content. He has a few ideas that are good-in-theory-but-poorly-thought-out, but nothing of any real substance. Also I think he's a bully. And the fact that he plays a victim at every turn is nothing short of shameful. I've been bullied before, and I have since learned how to deal with them. I'm naturally analytic—I know the "signs" of a bully (though obviously there's some leeway in everything). I recognize in him a trait I saw in every bully I've ever met though, and that's that nothing is ever his fault, and that if there's a convenient fall-guy, the blame is landing on them (and if there isn't a convenient one, one will be created). Sadly enough, there are dozens of examples of people in power playing the victim when they're in power.

This is going to seem like a stupid aside/terrible comparison, but Rob Ford is Amanda Bynes. Hear me out.

Amanda Bynes is in the news because she is losing her mind. Hack comedians keep making the joke that "no one remembers who she is". Slightly different, but let's check it out further: Amanda Bynes has struck out at all her critics by calling them ugly and saying they shouldn't be working anymore, while also claiming that she's getting a nose job and a dancing? new? show? music video? with someone? maybe Rihanna?

Rob Ford is in the news because they think he's lost his mind. Hack comedians keep making the joke that "he'd be the first fat crackhead", but hell...I'm old enough to remember Chris Farley. He didn't die from being fat, and he wasn't exactly slim when his heart exploded from it. (RIP, Chris.) And he hit out at his critics by...ignoring them. Not personally, but publically. Gimme a paragraph to explain the brilliance of that:

The best possible thing Rob Ford could have possibly done would have been to say, "The entire idea of this video existing is ridiculous, but I understand how it looks bad. I don't want to lose the faith of the people of this city though, so I peed into a cup and gave a blood sample to a 3rd-party drug testing facility. I want you all to know that while I am basically 70% gravy, I have never done crack and only smoke pot when I don't think I'll be caught."

Well, that'd be the second-best thing. The best would be to test negative for pot too, but this is Canada, and we don't give a shit if our politicians relax, we just care if they're stoned while voting. See the difference? Relax all you want. But when it comes time to do your job, bring your A-game.

Rob Ford decided on a different tactic though. He said he'd never smoked crack and that he wasn't addicted to crack. That's, at the very least, linguistically suspicious. If you've never smoked crack, OBVIOUSLY you're not addicted to crack. I've never done heroin. I don't feel the need to also explicitly state that I'm not addicted to it. I do nicotine. I'm very addicted to it. But I know a lot of ex-smokers who would say that they don't do nicotine, but they're addicted to it. Alcoholics in AA still acknowledge that they're addicted to alcohol, regardless of when their last drink was. Again, he just volunteered this. He didn't imply it, he outright said it. And the one thing he could have done to totally annihilate this controversy—a simple blood/urine test—never even crossed his mind.

Let me connect it to my American readers: I am clearly lying, I don't have any American readers. That being said, think of how stupid the whole "birther" thing is/was. Barack Obama was told he wasn't a naturalized US citizen (ignoring that that would have been the BEST argument for his GOP opponents in every debate ever). Seriously, people campaigned on the "fact" that he wasn't eligible to be President. Like they believed that a major political party would submit a candidate who was ineligible so that they could...what? Throw an election? Make a point? Anyway, BHO ignored it because it was stupid. But when it comes to Rob Ford, he ignored his charges because it was politically convenient. His family was already linked to the drug trade. And they have been for years.

That was kind of a cliffhanger, right? I'm sorry—I hate cliffhangers. Bet this means I'll be writing a part 2 pretty soon.

Comment away!

Borrowing Is Stealing.

You ever wonder why I feel shitty when an avi or pic is stolen on Twitter? It's because I heard the age-old adage that "you can't copyright a joke".

Well yes you can. You can't copyright a subject--anyone can joke about a subject. You can't copyright a gag--if someone makes a similar joke to you, and it's funnier, they win. But you can copyright a gig. You can record a series of jokes. That's a real thing that can be copyrighted and exists.

I saw Lisa Lampanelli last weekend. She *has* to be above-board, because she's famous. But the idiot opening for her blatantly ripped off a Larry the Cable Guy joke. Of ALL the people to rip off, he chose a famous hack. Not even a good one.

He also wore a hat for 1 joke. Which means he wore a hat for 1 joke--he wore a hat for a whole set for 1 sad, hacky joke. He also based 80% of the rest of his act on Woody Allen's old comedy. He was neither new or better, just repetitious.

I am a comedy fan. I love new comedy. Hacks piss me off because they're useless. They're desperate for attention, but provide nothing. It you're a hack, you're not interesting.

You Can Go Back

When's the last time you saw your soul
When't the last time you played your role
When's the last time you felt the way
You were really meant to?

I wrote that. Sorry. I wrote it about 14 years ago, when I was 17. See, I was in a band. I play guitar, but I'm not very good. I never have been. I have a facility for languages, but though I've tried to learn how to read music around 5 times in my life, I can't do it. I'm not bad at playing by ear though, which is what gave me the idea for this post.

I started out on piano when I was around 12. I was determined to get a drum set, but my parents used the 3 genius arguments of "No," "Fuck no," and "You can't play drums on your own, you'd be better with something you can do melody with." So for my 13th birthday, I got a guitar. I still have it. It's my sweet baby, and she sings the blues or whatever hackneyed phrase people are using to describe their love for their instruments these days. I do love that damn thing. It's a little beat up, but that's given it character and a sweeter sound over the years, like me. I don't mean that. I sound like crap recently because I haven't played in months, except for filling in on bass for a cover band last weekend.

Your Fucking Head Split

I know some of the no one who reads this blog will disagree with me, but: I don't dream. Pretty much don't dream. I dreamed a lot as a child, but I haven't had a memorable dream outside of fever-caused ones since I was 17 or so.

Old Stuff: More Goofy Religion Full of Failing

[Originally posted on February 19, 2009]


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29259293/?gt1=43001

No offense to any of my Indian/Pakistani friends, but when people debate why the US has only bombed brown or very-swarthy people in recently memory, I hope beliefs like this are why. And that bombs only hit idiots like this. I know they didn't, but I'm trying to express my wish that they did. (Please note that I'm apparently apologizing for decisions that not only weren't my own, but that were undertaken by a country I am not a citizen of.) Marrying a dog. To ward off tiger attacks. Fucking stupidity.

Old Stuff: Drunken Missive #2: Explaining Calgary

[Originally posted on July 18, 2008]


So...there are bars everywhere here... (See? I can too carry a story when I'm drunk!)

Let's blame it on Ralph.

That sounds like a goofy thing to say, but in this case, it's true.

See a long time ago, there was a political reporter who liked to sit in the St. Louis Hotel's bar and listen to the politicians who came there to drink after a long day at city hall, which is right across the road.

Eventually, this political reporter decided that he had heard enough drunken tales. And he had also picked up an impressive drinking habit from his time at the St. Louis, as most people who go there do.

So he decided to run for public office. And eventually, Ralph Klein became the mayor of Calgary. And his decree to all the little boys and girls of Calgary was that "thou shalt never be further than walking distance from either a bar or a liquor store!"

And thus it was so. And then there was light. Or at least, drunkeness.

And this was a long time ago, when Calgary was smaller, so as the city grew, thus did The Ralph's rules grow into law throughout the new land. And so became the city of Calgary today: with bars and liquor stores fucking everywhere.

But The Ralph did not stop there. Because in the holy decade of the late-70's to the early-80's, when AC/DC were kings and Led Zeppelin did rule the land and Aerosmith were probably good for an honourable mention or something, King Ralph heard the word of the Lord and decided that municipal politics were no longer for him.

So he ran for premier of the province.

And thus did the age of the King begin. When he was drunk at a homeless shelter and argued with the residents, the people of Alberta did rejoice. For he was one of them. (Seriously, drinking and driving here is less like a felony and more like a competitive sport.) As The Guardian, the great UK paper put it, the man arguing wasn't "just another drunken rightwing jerk [...] Actually, it was Ralph Klein, the premier of the Alberta, dropping by for an unofficial visit on his way home from a party." Oh, and by "arguing with", I mean he yelled at a bunch of homeless people to "just get a job!"

"King Ralph", as he became known, "actually ran his mayoral campaign from the St Louis hotel bar, and the bar's owners had mugs made up with is picture on it that were known as Klein Steins. After he won, he continued to keep 'office hours' at the tavern."

And thus did Alberta become known as the province of the drinker. The buffoon. The giggler. It's frickin' hilarious here. See, the province itself is fairly right-wing, but if you're in the big cities (Edmonton or Calgary), you'd never know it. See I don't see the province as right-wing, per se, just libertarian. They don't want government interference in their lives, and Conservatives tend to offer the least interference. (Not provide, but offer.)

And so on lives the legacy of King Ralph, the first village idiot who was elected leader. See whatever my next post is for the continuation...because it's only gotten worse since then...

Enjoy!
-Dan