North American Hegemony

I'm not going to be ranting about politics in this post. I feel it's important to say that at the outset, as I tend to forget it halfway through what I'm writing. This post is not about politics; it's about ideology. Specifically cultural ideology. In that case, Canada is very similar to the United States.

We obviously differ in many ways: Canada is more accepting of social programs, less accepting of guns, less violent overall if news stories are to be believed, and we have a more difficult time defining ourselves. One important facet where we tend to agree however, is in our media. We like the same shows. Whether it's the glut of objectively horrible reality shows or the few-and-far-between intelligent shows that are created south of the border, we both seem to like them. For many of those cheaply-produced ones (again, reality TV shows), we have our own Canadian versions, though the US ones are just as watched as our more local ones.

Music crosses the border all the time—Canada has given the US Rush, The Guess Who, and the Tea Party. In exchange, we have received many amazing bands on our side of the border. In retaliation, we've sent them Celine Dion, Justin Beiber, and Nickelback, and we are (and should still be) apologizing for that. The same way the US should apologize for Rebecca Black, Britney Spears, and every other artist to ever come out of the Disney or Family channel machines. What I'm saying is, there is cultural interchange going on here, and our cultures are very similar. We both churn out a never-ending torrent of complete bullshit punctuated occasionally by brilliance. As a matter of fact, I'd like to go on record here by saying that everything Tool has ever done completely makes up for the War of 1812. The US got a little unruly, but in exchange we got to listen to Maynard James Keenan explode his mind all over our speakers. And if any Canadians feel we got the raw end of the deal there, we also gave them Alanis Morissette and Avril Lavigne, so back off—no one is innocent in the art-salvos we fire at each other. Still raw? Pantera. There. Fixed.

Which leads me to my main point: Why does Apple run two different stores for Canada and the US? Or Amazon? Or any online business? I understand that distribution companies can be limited by geography due to their contracts. What I don't understand is why they're limited between those two countries.

See, there's this book I read a few years ago. And a few months ago. And a few times in between all of that—there's this book I really like. And the reason that I like it isn't that it's American or Canadian; I like it because it's well-written, and (so far) no matter how many times I read it, I still like it. I always find something new about it or another level on which to appreciate it. And they made a movie about it.

Sorry, I was incorrect there. They didn't make a movie about it, they made a movie of it. And the script was interesting enough that it attracted one of my favourite actors (Paul Giamatti), who didn't just want a part in it, he wanted to be a producer of it. And it didn't just interest a director I've never heard of, but one of the most respected directors for silly-horror stuff in our time. And yes, this book is silly-horror. It has aspects that are soul-chillingly terrifying if you consider them for a while, but it also has doorknobs that turn in to flaccid dongs when you're trying to escape from a possessed house, so I think silly-horror is the way to go for the filmed version. It's hard to display an existential crisis or a mourning for the collective innocence of all mankind on a screen. But you can absolutely show a monster made of various cold-cuts alongside what is quite possibly the worst band in all of existence. And set everything on fire.

In addition to making what all the reviews are saying is an amazing movie about a book I already hold in extremely high regard, they came up with a relatively unique distribution model for the movie: It is available on demand right now. And it has been for nearly a month. It's only now coming out in theatres, but it's as a smaller release. It's not in every cinema or every city, but it's been viewable for every US citizen for nearly a month. That's amazing. I can't think of any other movie that's ever done that. And the number of distribution channels was impressive, as well as their reach. Amazon, iTunes, as well as several cable providers—it was inspired. However:

I. Am. Canadian. I was born here, I'll likely die here unless I fulfill my childhood dream of becoming Robocop, and I live here currently. And I am constantly surrounded by US media. News, TV shows, radio (sometimes), movies...and yet I can't get access to the one movie I was looking forward to this year. So here's my question: NAFTA probably still exists (what am I, an economist? I'm writing stupidity here, people), and if it doesn't, cultural acceptance and hegemony exists. The US is the undisputed king of North American content creation for media. So why, when a single, nearly-indie, film is released in the States, can I not fucking get it in Canada?!!! Why does the iTunes store in Canada carry different content than the iTunes store in the US? YES, artists should be identified and judged by the countries they come from—it's something like 10 times easier to get a gold record in Canada than the US—but that's because we have 1/10 of the population. But none of that means that distribution deals need to stop at the border.

We're coming to an interesting point in distribution regulations: The world is far more interactive than we thought it was before. The internet is now a viable distribution medium thanks to improvements in compression and bandwidth. There was a huge strike among Hollywood writers over Internet royalties not that long ago because the Internet matters now when it comes to distributing content. This movie is being distributed online. Right. Fucking. Now. Why is it not available in Canada? Why can't I further support the book I love by checking out the film? Why can't I see the film that won so many awards at every festival it was presented?

I'm not upset that different countries have different laws. That is their right as sovereign nations and their general rights as independent people. That said, show me the law that says iTunes can't provide the same content worldwide, or even North America-wide. Show me how Apple can't figure out how to take my Canadian dollars, which I'm desperate to give away for this, and hand them to an American company.

I guess what this entire post boils down to is: Let me see John Dies at the End. Because the book was awesome. Because the author's awesome. Because the actors are awesome. Because the director's awesome. And most of all because I really want to see it right now!!!



[UPDATE: JOHN DIES AT THE END IS GETTING A THEATRICAL RELEASE IN CANADA STARTING MARCH 27. I retract my entire statement, inasmuch as I retract nothing and narcissisticly believe it happened solely because of this post.]