3 Stories

[Originally posted on January 27, 2009]


This is from an email I wrote someone when I was in a drunk-and-talky mood. I was ranting for a bit about free will, and this is the second part of it. The first part will not be published. So this is on religion and about "if I can talk you out of it, you don't really believe it."

Enjoy:

I like talking religion with religious people, but it makes some of them uncomfortable. The ones it makes uncomfortable aren't that sure of their own positions, or they wouldn't worry. If I can talk you out of your faith, you don't have faith. One of the most interesting people I've ever spoken to is a friend of mine who's a Jehovah's Witness. She's done the house-to-house thing and everything (they call it "missionary work"). I asked her once, "do you think that soliciting at people's doors who don't want you there helps you score in God's great playbook?" She's both beautiful AND funny, and said, "Meh...can't hurt." I respect that, because she was actually following a belief rather than some inherited silliness.


To me, faith is the belief in the irrational without proof. But not everyone sees it that way, so ultimately I'll probably just keep ranting. Love it or not, here it is.

Enjoy:

<rant>I like stories about religious people. I have a few others that might be funny.

Let's start with an ex-neighbour. I was friends/co-workers with her husband, in that I made websites for his clients in my spare time. She was about 45-50. She had a big idea that astrology was very important. Because she guessed, when I had a bunch of people over for my birthday, that it was my birthday. She said I was, "such a Taurus". I'll admit, reading the description, I am kind of a Taurus. And a Sagittarius. And a Cancer, a Leo, a Scorpio, and several others. So I asked her, "Do the stars really affect people?" She said, "Yes." I said, "When were these calculated?" She said, "Thousands of years ago." I said, "And they're still valid?" She said, "Yes." I said, "Huh. But we've changed calendars twice since then...are they still valid?" She said, "Yes." I said, "Including leap years, which add several days over thousands of years?" And she replied, "Crap. I'll get back to you."

This illustrates my holy trinity of stories. I have three that are Christian-related, and all are good, though they're not all interesting. I was never raised with a religion, since my parents wanted me to decide on my own. It's one of the best parenting decision they ever made. In all my 26 years on the planet, I have yet to see someone's faith trump logic. Ever. So I figure it's pretty solid.

When I was 4-6, I went to a Catholic church with my friend, since I'd slept over at his house and his family went. I went into Sunday School with him, and they told us some really cool stories. They said their book had all the answers you could want.

This was a bad thing to tell me.

I asked the wrong question, which is a recurring theme in my life. I can't remember what it is at this point, but when the Sunday school teacher, then the priest/pastor/leader couldn't answer it, I said, "I thought you said all the answers were in that book. Well...what page?" I didn't mean it in a bad way, just didn't realize that they'd lied to me. No answers. I found out later the priest had told the family, "Don't bring him back."

When I was 14, I went to see my best-friend-at-the-time's sister sing in the choir at Christmas. It was beautiful. Like George Carlin said, "The best thing to come out of the Church is the music."

When I was 17, I went to check out my girlfriend-at-the-time's church. They were 7th-Day Adventists, which I knew was legally classified as a cult up until the 1970's. I went because I thought it would be interesting. Cults are weird.

It wasn't. Standard Christian ceremony & boredom & people trying to out-dress each other, except for the end, when you got to talk to the minister/priest/reverend/whatever they're called. Of course, being naturally curious sort, I asked the (apparently) wrong question.

"Why is it that you worship on Saturdays? Is it any relation to the Jewish Sabbath?" (which is on Saturday)
"Oh...oh dear god no." (He seriously sounded offended and disgusted at the mention of Jews.)
"Oh. So what's it based on?"
"Ever seen a calendar?" I thought about this for a second...could I be dealing with a moron?
"Yes."
"They start their weeks on Sundays. The 7th day is therefore a Saturday, so Saturday is the Sabbath."
"That calendar wasn't accepted until Hallmark started printing it like that. Before that, Monday was the beginning of the week, which means you'd worship like Moslems if you went with the whole '7th-day' thing. But Hallmark split the weekend; and the current dates weren't 'real' until the Gregorian calendar was accepted over the Julian one, which was accepted over something even older. So do you worship Hallmark? Or do you reject real dates? Or are you on an older calendar, like the Hebrew one?" (This second mention of Jewish culture probably did me in.)

At that point the priest/minister/reverend/fruitcake dismissed me politely and walked away. I wasn't invited back.

So 2 of 3 times I tried to go to church, it didn't work out. But like I've said, if someone's innocent (or not-so-innocent) questions can shake your faith, you don't really have any faith to begin with.</rant>

Regardless of religion, anyway, everyone I know has their own issues. Does that make me a magnet for screwed-up people? Or do I just have a tendency to remember and identify more with those who have interesting/bizarre/checkered pasts?

Hope you enjoy this, another dose of random paranoia from the blank face of the void.
Me.

PS: Here's a test of your own paranoia/self-image: What psychoses/neuroses do you suffer from? I can name a few of my own: paranoia, attention-deficit; narcissism; hyperactivity; arrogance; insecurity; addictive personality... And that's just a few! Everyone's messed up. It's just a matter of matching your own neuroses to your friends'...(am I kidding?) So…what makes you crazy?